(a few more) joys of breastfeeding

We're going on vacation while on vacation. The itinerary is so complex, I'd have to convince you it will be relaxing, and frankly I'm not yet sure myself.

However the trip involves almost 24 hours of alone time for me which sounds equal parts ridiculous, selfish, and glorious.

In order to pull off this insane agenda, I am leaving the kids with my parents for 2 days. Weeks ago I thought I'd just feed Gigi formula for a couple days but since she's proven so flexible in her feeding (not) I conceded to the fact that I'd need to bring milk with me.

Planning how many ounces she'll eat while we're apart, translated into 4 oz storage bags, requires college-level mathematics which I do NOT have.

So here we are at airport security, the line has already been unforgivably slow and we're going to have to run to the gate anyway when the agent pulls the cooler off the line and indicates it needs extra screening. Fine. Whatever.

But she then proceeds to unpack every. single. carefully. packed. bag (all18 of them) to wipe each down. Then she wipes me down. Then she wipes the cooler down. And then Litmus tests the fresh milk.

Really?

(We made the plane but not without me running ahead, Juliet in Bjorn, as they were calling final boarding)

Today I'm at a different airport, flying out to meet hubby somewhere else in FL and I'm standing in the bathroom stall pumping...thinking for the millionth time how unglamorous this all is.

Someone is smoking in the bathroom. Seriously. People still do that? And then someone knocks on my stall door to see if I'm OK.

Frankly I'm surprised this hasn't happened much sooner given the heightened airport awareness and all the weird noises the pump makes.

But more concerning than the broad across the isle lighting up?

And as I was cleaning all the pump parts in the sink, someone hurried into a bathroom stall while catching vomit in her hands. At that moment I decided to stop keeping all this great content to myself and start sharing.

The joys of breastfeeding they don't mention in the books...

Closed for Business

Since I've reported on BFing throughout the process, I thought I'd include a final post on the topic (at least as far as Ben is concerned). We've officially closed up the shop.

The little guy doesn't seem to mind, or frankly even notice. He is still just eating one formula bottle a day b/c we have quite a bit of milk stored. It is more to keep him familiar with it so we can gradually start increasing as the frozen supply diminishes.

I'd guess we'll make it another month before we run out completely which is nice. And he is eating so much real food his milk consumption has gone down as a result.

While I loved every minute of it, I feel pretty liberated being free of the pump. And pleased that I made it as long as I did. Of course the awesome assets that came along with the job and the jolt to my metabolism weren't too bad either...until the next :)

Nursery photos

A few misc photos from the nursery. Ben wearing flip flops (thank you Gables) - I can't wait to get them out on the street. They are hilarious on his little feet, so 'resort-wear'. A standing shot - we are doing a ton of aided standing and he loves the new vantage point. It is funny watching him gather his senses over time - slowly able to talk and turn his head while doing so. And then a pic of him chillin' in his chair watching Carrie and I hang his name on the wall.

A couple notes - I am still BF and pretty much wearing a nursing tank top 24/7; as such I'm featured in one in nearly every photo. I have 50 of them and it just makes things easier, especially in the morning and on the weekends. That said, my old fashion-sensible self cringes every time I see another picture of me in one. I promise when we do go out (albeit rarely), I try to look cuter.

Secondly - my house now looks like a Babies R Us that has just been robbed. I don't know how it happened. The first couple months I would put all the baby gear away each night -- I'm a minimalist, I like clean. Yet we keep acquiring stuff and it seems like a losing battle. I am looking for efficiencies where I can find them and this is the path I've chosen. So I'm embracing it. I laid down the CUTEST floor tiles from Skip Hop so Ben can lay down and play in the family room on the wood floor. Things just spiraled from there. But again, I look at these pictures where you can see the chaos in the background and a part of me still bristles.

This is our life now and I wouldn't change a thing.

Breastfeeding is Easy, Part 4

Who knew this challenge would continue??

Now the problem is solely mine. Wardrobe.

The issue is twofold, nursing requires an access to your boobs that most clothes don't provide (think about your cutest dress - you would likely have to take the whole thing off to get to your bra, no?); and I guess I must have been pregnant most of last summer b/c I seem to have ZERO clothing options to even work with in my closet.

This means I have been wearing variations of the exact same outfit for the last three months. Jeans. Nursing tank top. Tank top over that.

While I'm not paving any fashion trends, it has been OK since the only people I've seen with any regularity have been Ben, hubby and Gaston and none of them care (or frankly have even noticed). But now that I'm going back to work, I need to remedy this situation.

I went shopping. I still hate this body (nursing is a miracle weight loss mechanism but nine months of expanding can't be washed away in nine weeks, regardless of your methods - at least not while still eating pizza every night).

I did buy a few things but they all seem to be tank tops and sweaters to wear over tank tops (that look surprising similar sweaters I wore while pregnant and who wears sweaters in June)?

Obviously not the world's biggest dilemma but one I continue to face each morning with no success. Thank goodness we can wear jeans to work now so I can at least fall back to my standard until I sort this out. Though the girls at the office will definitely notice if I wear my uniform every day, even if I do select different colored tank tops.

Another Bottle Sir?

For the countless amount of resources out there on bottle vs breast feeding, there is surprisingly little on how much to actually feed your baby once you integrate bottles (of breast milk) into their lives. They suggest doing so around 4-5 weeks, which we did. And it is a good idea to give him 4-5 bottles a week just so he remains familiar with the concept.

Bottle feeding is great b/c it allows me the freedom to get away for a couple hours and it also gives hubby a chance to hang with the little fella (Ben loves drinking with his dad).

The challenge is with BF you obviously never know how much they are eating. So when it comes time to put milk into a bottle it is a big guessing game. I started with a 4 oz bottle initially, b/c I'd read something that said they would take 3-3.5oz at his age. He plowed through the whole thing. This has happened repeatedly so I have been gradually increasing the amount we've been giving him.

This week I poured a 6oz bottle - sure that he couldn't eat more than 5oz. - and wouldn't you know it, he chugged the whole thing (and apparently was kinda pissed there wasn't more).

The second part of this equation that is confusing is the amount of milk I'm currently producing, and presumably he is eating when not getting a bottle. When he doesn't eat with me, I have to pump. And I've never pumped 6oz before.

So where does that leave us??

Am I starving him? Is he just drinking big to impress his dad? He is growing like a weed so I'm not overly concerned, just a little curious how it all shakes out.

I guess we'll just keep increasing the amount and see where we land. Babies aren't capable of overeating so there is really no harm in letting him pound down a toddler-sized bottle if that is what he wants. Wait till you see his pictures this week. He is SO BIG!

Allow me to introduce you to Dr. Poopsie...Ben's alter (fussy) ego.

Dr. Poopsie is our new name for the little guy when he goes bonkers crying for no reason. Somehow it makes the chaos a bit more tolerable. You can't get mad at Dr. Poopsie.

We had our one month peds appointment on Monday and he continues to grow. He is 10.2 lbs which means he is putting on weight faster now than he was a couple weeks ago (a great assurance that BF is working!) and he is 22.25 inches long. The doc was happy with his progress and gave us a clean bill of health. He also answered all my neurotic questions, which surprisingly I was able to hold until the appointment (rather than calling daily).

I love the rolls he is developing, his third chin and chubby lamb chop legs. We are literally watching him grow before our eyes, it's awesome.

Even when he is Dr. Poopsie.

Breastfeeding is Easy, Part 2 and 3

Long and potentially boring unless you have/are planning to BF...

I previously wrote a post on breastfeeding following my class at Northwestern where the instructor outlined the ease with which women learn to breastfeed with their babies. Having heard stories to the contrary, I posted initial thoughts prior to jumping in myself. Now that I'm actually here, I thought I'd follow up with my experience so far.

All of my girlfriends went into motherhood with plans to BF and all ultimately ended up feeding their babies formula. I watched them anguish over the decision and don't judge them for where they landed, just further evidence that it isn't easy.

I was pretty set on trying it. For me, the challenge was two-fold: first, you have no control over when your milk comes in (I hate not being in control); and second, I felt like everyone is asking my milk production and seemingly in an accusational tone. NOTE: this was mostly in the hospital which was obviously a very emotional, tiring, stressful time (right around when they took Ben out of our room for testing) so it is likely those asking had nothing but the best intentions. I'm admittedly over sensitive in the best situations.

But the questions seemed constant - did your milk come in, are you pumping, have you tried again, did the baby latch, do you have colostrum, etc. Not to mention the other variables: pumping for the first time (and the 100th time) is a demoralizing process; Ben was no longer in our room ('they' encourage closeness and bonding to stimulate milk production); and he ultimately was fed formula from a bottle because his numbers were low and he needed the nutrients.

The point is, the whole thing is so STRESSFUL! And of course to be successful you're supposed to be totally relaxed, well rested, and commanding your inner Zen to get everything flowing. Needless to say, I was not there.

Ultimately, I received great tips from a lactation nurse in the NICU and was able to pump out a few drops of colostrum. God bless these gals, they made the biggest deal, "every drop counts," and painstakingly collected it from the bottle and fed it to Ben via a syringe. This gave me the confidence to keep trying. After a couple very nominal collections, suddenly there was .25 of an ounce. And then a half an ounce! And then two ounces!! We started collecting bottles and feeding these to Ben instead of formula. Mother's milk, at last!! I can't even describe the sense of accomplishment I felt.

Yet, that wasn't the end of our BF journey... (Breastfeeding is Easy, Part 3)

While I had milk, Ben wouldn't latch on. We tried in the hospital several times and then when we got home, with no success. Per a recco from our pediatrician, I hired a lactation consultant (an awesome nurse in the burbs who I'd highly recommend), who was at my house within two hours of calling her. She had me use a nipple shield and viola! He was on. I almost cried. I was SO happy to finally be BF, it was a glorious, glorious day.

Now, I'm trying to wean him off the shield, though failing miserably. Initially I was so thrilled with the shield I felt like I'd wear it forever without a care. Now I'm thinking otherwise.

He doesn't get as much milk as feeding naturally, which means the feedings take longer and I think he leaves less full. And after losing the shield in the middle of the night in our bed covers and realizing my child's life depended on this stupid piece of plastic, I was motived to try to get him off (and I stocked up on a dozen of them from Target in the meantime!). He has shown potential but also inherited his father's general state of stubbornness :) so it is taking awhile.

The point of this long story, in addition to sharing the experience for the other expecting moms, is to confirm BF isn't easy. It's pretty challenging to get the system off the ground. And none of the above addresses the logistics of literally being tethered to each other b/c he eats every 2 hrs, the discomfort, or some of the less glamorous aspects of storing milk in your bra. Ha, ha!

But all that said, IT IS THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCE EVER!

Honestly, the feeling of his little body nestled against mine is indescribable. And now, when he opens his eyes and looks at me, OH! Not surprising from the gal who beams with pride when she creates life in the garden, this is a billion times better.

It is such a personal decision, and one that is hotly discussed by many, but if you've decided to try it, stick with it. While this "natural" process may leave you scratching your head at times (or banging it against the wall), there is nothing else like it. Talk to other moms who've done it before you have your baby and listen carefully. Talk to lots of them. You need to have positive stories to draw on while you're going through it (and thanks to all those who shared their experiences with me, my success is in large part due to yours).

OK. I'm done. Off to feed the little guy...

Happy 2-week Birthday Ben!

We marked the day with a trip to the pediatrician to see how we're growing. Good news - he has gained almost a pound, up to 8.1 lbs from his discharge weight of 7.4. And he has grown 1.5 inches in length! All normal and good. And the weight gain means the breastfeeding is going as nature intended.

I found pictures tonight of hubby as a baby, they are twins.

Wow - just wow.

We sprung Ben from NICU yesterday afternoon - he cleared his cultures, normalized respiration and was approved for discharge. We hugged Bethany goodbye (his nurse during his stay), confirmed there was no way we could bring her home with us, and drove off as a family for the first time.

Last night was ROUGH. Full details on all worthwhile stories from this week to come soon, but we're taking one day at a time.

Today we made it to the peditrician and I had a lactation consultant come to the house. All of last night's desperation, fatigue and dispair was washed away with one perfect latch from Ben. We are totally in business.

Everyone tells you a million times that this is a crazy ride but you can't really grasp it until you're experiencing it yourself. And I'd guess we haven't even scratched the surface yet.

In the end, the part that makes it all possible is his beautiful little face. And his tiny little eyes. And the chirps he makes when he needs something. I've never felt such an overpowering emotion as the one I do when I look at him. He is amazing.

More to come...

Much better day - we've been down in NICU all day and just taking a quick break to take care of a few things. Ben's levels all look good today - he earned himself feeding rights this morning. Thank goodness b/c he was very hungry when he got up.

Here he is enjoying his first bottle (we haven't given up on breastfeeding but this situation has definitely added a new challenge). All signs pointing towards release tomorrow.

Full details on situation to follow once we get home. Thanks for all your well wishes, they've definitely been appreciated!

Breastfeeding is Easy!

I'll revisit the disclaimer I sent out earlier in the pregnancy - something about this whole experience makes ones internal appropriateness filter shift to a place where it seems totally natural to ask a stranger if she breastfed, how it went for her, and if it hurt. And details, no matter how personal, seem OK to share.

If this level of information offends you or makes you feel uncomfortable, perhaps you should skip this post and come back next time?

I went to my first Northwestern class a couple weeks ago - Breastfeeding. The hospital offers hundreds of different classes for the expecting parents. Three were recommended to me by several reliable sources so those are the ones I'm doing: Breastfeeding, Great Expectations and Infant Safety/CPR.

One of the gals in my pilates class indicated she made her husband go to bf but that he was the minority. Hubby asked for a pass and I didn't really care so I said fine. He is going to the others, and doesn't have any breasts so what good was he really going to do there?

(As it happened, of the 40 people in the room, I was one of only two with no husband which left me feeling slightly single-motherish but whatever.)

And guess what? Breastfeeding is EASY! Yes, say it with me folks - Breastfeeding is EASY! Forget what your best friends say about raw skin, milk not coming in, painful swelling, walking around naked to air out her boobs. She is lying to you. It is an easy and natural process.

In fact, they showed a video of a woman in 1979, from England, who had no trouble with the process what so ever! Her baby took right to the breast. On the second day after she was born. With a lactation consultant manhandling her breasts and child throughout the process. And with only 3-4 de/relatchings before they really got things flowing.

Breastfeeding is EASY!

Did I mention the importance of detaching the latch? Ouch, won't even go there but hoping I never forget this lesson in the heat of the moment.

Of course, I'm being a bit sarcastic here. From what I've heard from others , I think our instructor was actually pretty cool and relaxed. She acknowledged the whole thing takes a little getting used to - which accurately reflects what I've heard from friends' experiences though in much less graphic language. And she did provide pretty detailed instructions as to how to go about the whole thing.

I have been practicing my football hold and also the C-and U-expression press. I've been keeping a watchful eye on cabbage sales at the grocery store so I can cover myself in leaves when I'm tender and sore :)

In all seriousness, I plan to do everything in my power to breastfeed. Most obviously it is best for babes. But selfishly it is free and helps you get back into shape. What is not to love? Well I've heard it is pretty tough in the beginning. But I've been gathering as much information as possible so I'm prepared for the worst and hopefully delighted by how easy it turns out to be.

Much like pregnancy itself where you hear of all the horrible aches and pains, sickness and fatigue. I've managed to avoid most of that stuff, or at least not allow the discomforts to overshadow the enormity of it all. Whats a little heartburn compared to the feelings of the baby rolling around in there?

Hopefully the same willl go for bf, but just in case, I'm stocking up on cabbage.

Time seems to be flying by with no opportunity to stop and smell the roses. A quick update in the meantime...

Xmas holidays were wonderful - thanks to all the family members who made it extra special. We had so much fun giving this season, lots of fun things people really wanted. Except for poor hubby who really wanted socks and got what he asked for - athletic and dress :)

We seemed to return back to Chitown faster than we left, and the big bonus was all the trecherous snow and ice melted while we were away. An xmas present in and of itself!

This was to be a quiet week of work but has turned into a busy time here too - good news is lots of projects and plans getting knocked out. Thankfully b/c I have a short week next week -- we are off to the Dominican Republic for a long weekend.

Not before we celebrate the New Year, visit WI, have another doctors appointment, take a class on breastfeeding at the hospital, and meet with the financial planner and accountant. I'm also trying to get baby-ready now that I can't use the holidays as an excuse anymore. I cleaned out the nursery, organized gifts received, am making invite list for shower.

Phew. No wonder I feel so busy. Lots going on.

Hope everyone has and continues to enjoy what is left of the holiday season this week. Relax and enjoy. That is what I plan to do next week!!