The Nanny

If you'll recall, I had great anxiety about the nanny selection process. For a thousand reasons, but primarily, wrestling with the idea of leaving my baby for work, and the fact that it is really hard to determine if someone is qualified while I'm still figuring out how to take care of him myself.

I mentioned I interviewed about 15 people, and ultimately went with Paula who was one of the first gals I met. She just felt right. I don't know how else to explain it. They all have the essentially the same experience on paper, so it comes down to who you think will fit best with the family. And she seemed great, had exceptional references, was good with Ben and Stella. What else could I ask for?

I was afraid to jinx things in the beginning but I'd be remiss not to post something at this point about her. She is awesome. She has initiative and came in ready to set schedules - feeding, napping, playtime. She has helped him master the morning nap, and is working on the afternoon one. She has stretched his feeding times to four hours which works wonders beyond explaining. She has fattened him up with her 8 oz bottles but my milk production has fallen right in line. Maybe he was always eating this much and I never noticed?

He adores her, and surprisingly it doesn't upset me (I'm the first to admit I want him to love me best, yet find myself calmed by him having more people to love in life than just us). She kisses him and really means it. She is as excited by his developments each day as we are, and eagerly reports them to me at the end of the day when I get home.

I'm just so thrilled it is working out. I'm working on getting some pics of her and Ben so you can see them together, but in short, I love knowing she is here with him when I can't be.

Ups and Downs

The nanny came today for a few hours so I could show her around, review our expectations and give her some time with Ben before we cut the cord so to speak. Overall it went fairly well.

I realized there are really two things in play here: my confidence in her ability to do the job; and my ability to allow her to do so (without crying).

The good news is I still feel OK about the first. From what I can tell, she seems great with him and has an agreeable disposition. I hope we will work well together. The second may prove more difficult for me. No reason to go into details, surely growing pains are to be expected. But as I listened to Ben cry while going down for his nap, and gave her space to figure things out on her own, it nearly tore my heart out.

On a much happier note, we went to WI this weekend to KJ's lake house for a quick visit and Ben went SWIMMING! With the strongest display of unconditional love seen yet, I put on a bathing suit and twirled him around in the water. Sadly we have no pictures of this first but it was a total joy. Much like the bath tub, you can tell he wants to love it but is still a little uncertain. Fortunately we have the whole summer to work on it.

Follow up on Nanny for Hire

Thanks for the input on my Nanny for Hire post. I heard a lot of really great ideas and thoughts from many of you - much appreciated! One great place to start for those facing the same challenge is an article written by one of my co-workers which can be found here (thanks DW!).

I've officially started my "family manual" for Paula and feel better already. Getting organized is the best I can do to prepare for this part. The unannoyomous sentiment from everyone was that it is going to be even harder than I can imagine. But that it will get better with time.

Not surprising and good to know going into it.

The door is still open for thoughts and key learnings.

Thanks!

Nanny for Hire

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I had begun the nanny search. We did hire one - Paula - and she will come one day later this month prior to starting full time on June 1st when I go back to work.

While millions have gone before me doing the same, I have to tell you I'm still struggling with the whole thing. I interviewed about 15 candidates before making the decision, and here is where I find myself conflicted:

- Professionally my hiring record isn't perfect, offering positions to a few folks we ultimately had to let go because they weren't the best person for the job. I don't want my track record to carry over at home;

- Still learning myself, it is hard to outline job descriptions or activities I'm going to want said nanny to do with Ben three months from now;

- While I'm not sure I'd really want to be a stay-at-home mom (in spite of how often I've said contrary), it is still hard to give a total stranger the opportunity to raise my baby.

I officially love this little guy more than I've ever loved anyone in my life (maybe even more than everyone I've ever love combined). And again, I'm going to hand him over to a 20-something girl I've met twice to essentially raise him. Ugh.

Paula was the first gal I interviewed (following a couple candidates from Craig's List) and after meeting with a dozen others, she was still my favorite. She asked to hold Ben (surprising the number of women who didn't); seemed very comfortable with him; she has great past experience; her references spoke very highly of her; she talked a lot, and very fondly, of "Jack," the little boy she is currently watching; and overall she just felt right.

So I'm left to hope for the best. Yet I see countless nannies out with their charges when Stella, Ben and I are out in the neighborhood. They are on their cell phones while pushing strollers, or hanging with other nannies, and it is hard not to wonder what Ben and Paula will be doing while I'm at work.

I draw comfort from the fact that hubby is frequently home throughout the day, and will be able to monitor daily events to some extent. And the fact that millions have gone before me. It will be fine, right?

Ugh.

I've also already had a dream that I was two hours late to work my first day back, unsuccessfully figuring out how to get Ben up, feed him, get ready myself and make it out the door.

I hope the next three weeks pass at a snail's pace. I've got a long way to go before I find peace with this.

Stupid Is

When I was pregnant I noticed a definite change in my overall mental comprehension. They say it is common when you're pregnant and I assumed it would clear up after I had the baby (though some warned it would get worse).

I'm frightened by how much worse it has gotten. Seriously, it is scary.

I didn't really realize how bad it was until I started the nanny search but this exercise has completely shined the light on the situation. Working with three agencies, scheduling interviews and then meeting with all these gals and keeping their individual experiences straight - total failure.

I've double booked myself. I've asked the same questions of candidates multiple times. This morning someone arrived and I was still in my gym pants, not expecting her for another hour.

Probably fine for the nanny search (though these ladies are certain to notice my flailing and think me to be an idiot), but what about going back to work?

Details are my strong suit. They are what I fall back on when all else fails. I can always rely on details. I take notes. I'm organized. I am on time. What happens when that foundation crumbles?

I have to find a way to exercise my brain a little before heading back or I'm going to drive myself insane.

Meeting Joe and Marsha!

Grandma Marsha and Grandpa Joe came to visit baby Ben this week! Here they are working their magic on the little smiler. We had a great time and packed a ton of activities in - including getting the garden started.

It was great to have them here! They come back on Tuesday on their way back through to Cleveland (it's cousin Joey's communion this weekend). And then my parents arrive on Wed!

Nanny interviews start in earnest today. Stay tuned for details...