Feeding update

So I'm pretty much over bf - it's kind of been a confluence of events. I've never been a fan of pumping, but obviously kept on. It seems like since we stopped the 9:30pm feeding, my production at night has been pretty weak, even for the 6pm meal. And lately, he hasn't been eating much for me, even in the middle of the day.

Perhaps it is because he has been eating more real food, and he is so much more aware of his surroundings now everything is a distraction. At the same time, I'm still tinkering with solutions to resolve this 4:30-5:30am wake up because it hasn't stopped. I wondered if he ate a little more before bed, it might help. 

So this week I transitioned to a bottle every night, and he seems to take about 7oz which is great (and more than he was likely getting from me). Problem is, when he is really tired, he just doesn't like drinking from a bottle for me. 

He cries, fusses and plows his head into my chest as if to say 'this is not what we do mom...' 

Truth be told, I also bought some formula today. I'm thinking about giving it a test run this week to see if he likes it - and the ped suggested we test to ensure he'll eat it, doesn't have a reaction to it, before I start planning the wean. The idea of quitting, or seriously cutting back, seems to be gaining momentum rapidly. I imagine I'll keep nursing for the first feeding of the day. I love that time together. And I have a ton of milk saved in the freezer, it lasts three months, so I could just start supplementing formula one feeding a day if I decide to go that route. 

Crazy the emotions though, I feel guilty and pretty selfish. And it is selfish. There is no good reason to quit. In fact, since I'm really not working out any more, it is quite stupid to quit. 

I'm committed to making it to Nov 9, without making any changes. That will be his 8-month birthday, exclusively bf for his whole life. But a change seems to be nearing. We will see.