I previously wrote a post on breastfeeding following my class at Northwestern where the instructor outlined the ease with which women learn to breastfeed with their babies. Having heard stories to the contrary, I posted initial thoughts prior to jumping in myself. Now that I'm actually here, I thought I'd follow up with my experience so far.
All of my girlfriends went into motherhood with plans to BF and all ultimately ended up feeding their babies formula. I watched them anguish over the decision and don't judge them for where they landed, just further evidence that it isn't easy.
I was pretty set on trying it. For me, the challenge was two-fold: first, you have no control over when your milk comes in (I hate not being in control); and second, I felt like everyone is asking my milk production and seemingly in an accusational tone. NOTE: this was mostly in the hospital which was obviously a very emotional, tiring, stressful time (right around when they took Ben out of our room for testing) so it is likely those asking had nothing but the best intentions. I'm admittedly over sensitive in the best situations.
But the questions seemed constant - did your milk come in, are you pumping, have you tried again, did the baby latch, do you have colostrum, etc. Not to mention the other variables: pumping for the first time (and the 100th time) is a demoralizing process; Ben was no longer in our room ('they' encourage closeness and bonding to stimulate milk production); and he ultimately was fed formula from a bottle because his numbers were low and he needed the nutrients.
The point is, the whole thing is so STRESSFUL! And of course to be successful you're supposed to be totally relaxed, well rested, and commanding your inner Zen to get everything flowing. Needless to say, I was not there.
Ultimately, I received great tips from a lactation nurse in the NICU and was able to pump out a few drops of colostrum. God bless these gals, they made the biggest deal, "every drop counts," and painstakingly collected it from the bottle and fed it to Ben via a syringe. This gave me the confidence to keep trying. After a couple very nominal collections, suddenly there was .25 of an ounce. And then a half an ounce! And then two ounces!! We started collecting bottles and feeding these to Ben instead of formula. Mother's milk, at last!! I can't even describe the sense of accomplishment I felt.
Yet, that wasn't the end of our BF journey... (Breastfeeding is Easy, Part 3)
While I had milk, Ben wouldn't latch on. We tried in the hospital several times and then when we got home, with no success. Per a recco from our pediatrician, I hired a lactation consultant (an awesome nurse in the burbs who I'd highly recommend), who was at my house within two hours of calling her. She had me use a nipple shield and viola! He was on. I almost cried. I was SO happy to finally be BF, it was a glorious, glorious day.
Now, I'm trying to wean him off the shield, though failing miserably. Initially I was so thrilled with the shield I felt like I'd wear it forever without a care. Now I'm thinking otherwise.
He doesn't get as much milk as feeding naturally, which means the feedings take longer and I think he leaves less full. And after losing the shield in the middle of the night in our bed covers and realizing my child's life depended on this stupid piece of plastic, I was motived to try to get him off (and I stocked up on a dozen of them from Target in the meantime!). He has shown potential but also inherited his father's general state of stubbornness :) so it is taking awhile.
The point of this long story, in addition to sharing the experience for the other expecting moms, is to confirm BF isn't easy. It's pretty challenging to get the system off the ground. And none of the above addresses the logistics of literally being tethered to each other b/c he eats every 2 hrs, the discomfort, or some of the less glamorous aspects of storing milk in your bra. Ha, ha!
But all that said, IT IS THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCE EVER!
Honestly, the feeling of his little body nestled against mine is indescribable. And now, when he opens his eyes and looks at me, OH! Not surprising from the gal who beams with pride when she creates life in the garden, this is a billion times better.
It is such a personal decision, and one that is hotly discussed by many, but if you've decided to try it, stick with it. While this "natural" process may leave you scratching your head at times (or banging it against the wall), there is nothing else like it. Talk to other moms who've done it before you have your baby and listen carefully. Talk to lots of them. You need to have positive stories to draw on while you're going through it (and thanks to all those who shared their experiences with me, my success is in large part due to yours).
OK. I'm done. Off to feed the little guy...
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